One, two, three. These are the names of the old, familiar counting numbers. So why is it, when we use a number to specify one of three similar objects, we use words that bear no relation to the names of these numbers? Where did “first come from? What does “second” have to do with “two”? And how did “three” become distorted into “third”? I don't doubt that the etymologists have answers to these questions: I'm not really interested in why. But I am interested in consistency and clarity and I am determined to correct this ugly blot upon our beautiful English language.
My answer is the Improved Scientific Numerical Nomenclature (ISNN for short) and since it is my idea, I add my name, Howard, and make it HISNN. The system is simple and elegant. From the fourth element of a series on, we add the diphthong, “th” to the appropriate number – fourth, fifth (instead of fiveth, which is unpronouceable), sixth, seventh, etc. So we just make this rule universal, and use onth (pronounced “wunth” – I'm considering spelling it this way also) for the archaic “first”, twooth for the inelegant, “second”(the twooth “o” to make its spelling more phonetic), and threeth to replace the uncouth term, “third”.
Now, let's show how this works in practice. Onth, we'll show how it affects the days of the month. Then, twooth, we'll make some further changes in accord with the master principle of logical consistency. Soon, the diligent will be speaking HISNN with ease, thereby displaying his mastery of this truly superior system, to the admiration of all.
The onth of the month is, as we have said, followed by the twooth, the threeth, the fourth, and so on, right through the tenth.
Then we face our first real challenge. The old system invented some really weird names to go with 11, 12, and 13, before reverting to sanity from 14 on. Our system must confront this compounded irrationality; and it does so by creating a simple and consistent way of speaking of the “teens” that matches the way we speak of the “twenties”, “thirties” and so forth. After ten come the “tenties”: tenty-one (11), tenty-two (12), and tenty-three (13), followed by tenty-four, etc, much in the same way that we are so familiar with.
So, getting back to the days of the month, we now have a perfectly symmetrical scheme:
1 the wunth of the month
2 the twooth
3 the threeth
4 the fourth
5 the fifth
6 the sixth
7 the seventh
8 the eighth
9 the ninth
10 the tenth
11 the tenty-wunth
12 the tenty-twooth
13 the tenty-threeth
14 the tenty-fourth
15 the tenty-fifth
16 the tenty-sixth
17 the tenty-seventh
18 the tenty-eighth
19 the tenty-ninth
Coincidentally, this solves another perplexing problem – what to use as a collective to speak of the twooth decade in a persons life, or the years in a new century from 10 to 19: they are now the tenties. The onth decade is harder; but
as the twenties are named from twenty, and the tenties are named from ten, the onth decade should be named after zero in some way. So I propose using the old word for zero, nought, and calling the years from 0 to 9 the noughties! Yes, I think that will do very well!
There are no surprises as we go through the twenties; so perfectly does our new system accord with the best of the old. Directly we come to:
30 the “thirtieth”
I am tempted to leave this minor corruption alone, for three reasons. Onth, it is well to leave alone everything that we can, to avoid the aspersion that we are only interested in change for change's sake. Twooth, it is difficult to do much better. Threetieth, while attractive to the purist, is no very great improvement. Threeth, due to laziness of the human tongue and the trend of language to prefer the easier pronunciation, I fear it would soon fall out of use. Still, I am going to propose the more consistent and morever, euphonic, alternative. Thuis we have:
30 the threetieth
31 the threety-first
Well, there you have it! A system to revolutionize our way of speaking with many marvelous collateral benefits! The HISNN system – a system for the future!
Howard Douglas King
November the tenty-tooth, in the year two thousand tenty-fifth
My answer is the Improved Scientific Numerical Nomenclature (ISNN for short) and since it is my idea, I add my name, Howard, and make it HISNN. The system is simple and elegant. From the fourth element of a series on, we add the diphthong, “th” to the appropriate number – fourth, fifth (instead of fiveth, which is unpronouceable), sixth, seventh, etc. So we just make this rule universal, and use onth (pronounced “wunth” – I'm considering spelling it this way also) for the archaic “first”, twooth for the inelegant, “second”(the twooth “o” to make its spelling more phonetic), and threeth to replace the uncouth term, “third”.
Now, let's show how this works in practice. Onth, we'll show how it affects the days of the month. Then, twooth, we'll make some further changes in accord with the master principle of logical consistency. Soon, the diligent will be speaking HISNN with ease, thereby displaying his mastery of this truly superior system, to the admiration of all.
The onth of the month is, as we have said, followed by the twooth, the threeth, the fourth, and so on, right through the tenth.
Then we face our first real challenge. The old system invented some really weird names to go with 11, 12, and 13, before reverting to sanity from 14 on. Our system must confront this compounded irrationality; and it does so by creating a simple and consistent way of speaking of the “teens” that matches the way we speak of the “twenties”, “thirties” and so forth. After ten come the “tenties”: tenty-one (11), tenty-two (12), and tenty-three (13), followed by tenty-four, etc, much in the same way that we are so familiar with.
So, getting back to the days of the month, we now have a perfectly symmetrical scheme:
1 the wunth of the month
2 the twooth
3 the threeth
4 the fourth
5 the fifth
6 the sixth
7 the seventh
8 the eighth
9 the ninth
10 the tenth
11 the tenty-wunth
12 the tenty-twooth
13 the tenty-threeth
14 the tenty-fourth
15 the tenty-fifth
16 the tenty-sixth
17 the tenty-seventh
18 the tenty-eighth
19 the tenty-ninth
Coincidentally, this solves another perplexing problem – what to use as a collective to speak of the twooth decade in a persons life, or the years in a new century from 10 to 19: they are now the tenties. The onth decade is harder; but
as the twenties are named from twenty, and the tenties are named from ten, the onth decade should be named after zero in some way. So I propose using the old word for zero, nought, and calling the years from 0 to 9 the noughties! Yes, I think that will do very well!
There are no surprises as we go through the twenties; so perfectly does our new system accord with the best of the old. Directly we come to:
30 the “thirtieth”
I am tempted to leave this minor corruption alone, for three reasons. Onth, it is well to leave alone everything that we can, to avoid the aspersion that we are only interested in change for change's sake. Twooth, it is difficult to do much better. Threetieth, while attractive to the purist, is no very great improvement. Threeth, due to laziness of the human tongue and the trend of language to prefer the easier pronunciation, I fear it would soon fall out of use. Still, I am going to propose the more consistent and morever, euphonic, alternative. Thuis we have:
30 the threetieth
31 the threety-first
Well, there you have it! A system to revolutionize our way of speaking with many marvelous collateral benefits! The HISNN system – a system for the future!
Howard Douglas King
November the tenty-tooth, in the year two thousand tenty-fifth
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